Would Rather Chew My Eyeballs Than Read These Books….

So I have this shelf on Goodreads that is called ‘rather chew my eyeballs than read‘… CATCHY RIGHT?!?!?!?

It’s obviously a very tongue in cheek…. or eyeball in teeth… shelf title but I thought for the absolute LOLs I would list a few of the books that are currently sitting pretty on that shelf.

(BTW Some other less ridiculous people would probably call this post ‘books I am not interested in reading’ but I live for the drama!!!!!!!!!!!)

And be prepared guys… There will be much loved favourites listed. And if you love these books then great for you, but life would be boring if we all had the same opinions right?

So let’s start this off with a bang shall we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

Ah I can hear the pitchforks being prepared to be hurled my way…..

I have absolutely zero desire to ever read any of the Harry Potter books nor watch the Harry Potter films. I just don’t get the hype you guys!

I’ve never been a fan of wizardry in books really. Any sort of story featuring a magic system just doesn’t interest me. I am much more inclined to read a book that falls into the magical realism genre rather that anything with traditional magic.

So when everyone is talking about which Hogwarts House they are desperate to be sorted into I’m here just not giving any bothers… I did do the hat sorting thing a few years ago though. We were discussing it in my book group and I was like oh I’ll do mine for the lols and apparently I am a puffy or something…effort of actually looking up the proper name. I’m sure y’all will know.

So yeah… I just have absolutely no desire to read the books. Plus with every new tweet that JK Rowling sends out these days it is going to be hard for anyone to ever change my mind lol!! Sometimes people need to learn when to stop adding to the narrative!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I know all the spoilers at this stage too… it is just impossible to actually avoid them when you’ve been part of the online book community for as long as I have (since 2010 on Goodreads).

City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare

I just do not get the hype surrounding the whole Mortal Instruments series and its seemingly never ending spinoffs. I think a lot of my reluctance to read this series stems from the fact that these books never seem to end! I just do not have that sort of commitment to something.

I’ve read a few reviews of these books over the years, flicked through them in bookshops and the libraries and just nothing grabs my attention. Perhaps if I had stumbled across book one back when it was originally released my feelings would be different… but when I read the blurbs of The Mortal Instruments series in particular they feel very dated???

I think a comparison I could make…that will probably have Cassie Clare fans baying for my blood… is that the books strike me as a sort of Twilight type series. As you all probably know by now your girl here is a big Twilight fan… cheesy, ridiculous, dodgy plot lines…yup I am here for it all. And when I read Twilight it was well over a decade ago now and I had read little to no other YA series at that time… so I gobbled up those books. But I know if I were reading Twilight for the first time now I would be like lol no…

And that is kinda how I feel about The Mortal Instruments series. That they were of a time and I am too late to the party. And maybe all these new spin off series are great… but without that desire to pick up the originals I am just never going to be interested in reading any of them!

Aurora Rising (Aurora Cycle #1) by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff

Guys if you’ve put away those pitchforks prepare to get them back out again because I got a bomb to drop….


And I utterly refuse to read another book written by either of these authors.

So I guess you’re all going to want to know why I hated The Illuminae Files… Because I felt cheated. I felt utterly cheated as a reader. I actually really enjoyed the first book Illuminae. I was so on board with it all. I loved Aidan with all my heart. It was fun, it felt different. I was 100% on board with everything.

And then I read Gemina.

And I felt cheated.

Because Gemina was basically the same plot as Illuminae. It had different characters, Hanna in place of Kady etc. But they may as well have been the same person. The plot devices used were exactly the same just with slightly different characters and a *bad guy*. The twists in the plot… the same!!! And I was enraged. Gemina to me felt like a plagiarised version of Illuminae…. Gemina technically was more tightly written and executed better but why wouldn’t it… the authors had already written a draft copy and called it Illuminae Book One!!!!!!!!!!!!

And for some daft reason I spent more of my own money on book three Obsidio… guess I just wanted to round out the series and again similar plot devices were used… I can’t be more explicit than that due to spoilers but if you’ve read book one then there is nothing that will surprise you about books two and three.

And even the interesting format and layout of Illuminae grew very stale by the time Obsidio came around. There was a lot more exposition in it and less ingenuity of narrative technique…. I have semi-reviews written for this series on Goodreads and one day soon I will sit down and type out a long review for my blog focusing on why this whole series is insulting to the reader’s intelligence.

So unsurprisingly after that Illuminae debacle I will not be reading The Aurora Cycle books.

So those are just three of the series that are on my ‘will never read’ aka ‘would rather chew my eyeballs than read’ bookshelf on Goodreads. Any of these on your never want to read radar??? Let’s chat in the comments below!

I’ll hopefully do another one of these posts soon and drop a few more truth bombs about books I have no interest in reading!

58 thoughts on “Would Rather Chew My Eyeballs Than Read These Books….

  1. Honestly, I get what you mean for Harry Potter. Even though I’m a die-hard fan, if you haven’t jumped on the wagon when it came out, it will probably not be as good as it was for me (I read them every year, and I was harry’s age for every book).
    Don’t waste your time with City of Bones, this is really the worst series written by CC, too bad you need to read it to understand the others because the sequel series is one of my all times favourite but the Mortal Instrument was so hard to like…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh that must’ve been lovely being Harry’s age as you read them, definitely makes it extra special! And yes I agree, sometimes it is just about missing the boat with some books and then there just never being the right time to read them.
      I’ve heard that about Cassie Clare’s books before, but it’s just much too much commitment required to get to the good ones lol!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha I am loving the amount of salt in this post.

    As a Harry Potter fan, it always annoys me when people feel like they have to defend themselves for not having any interest in reading the books or watching the films. You’re right – the world would be SO boring if we all loved exactly the same things! You don’t have to justify not being interested in the series – it’s not for you, and that should be enough to shut up the Potter fans who think anyone who doesn’t love HP is the Antichrist. (I would also like J.K. Rowling to just STOP, though.)

    I don’t have any interest in Cassandra Clare’s books either. I think it’s great that her books have such a big fandom, and I love seeing how passionate fans are, but it’s not for me. That’s a shame about the Illuminae series! I enjoyed Illuminae, but I’ve heard enough about Gemina and Obsidio to make me not that interested in checking them out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol thanks Jess! Oh I’m well used to riling HP fans for the lols….I’m a terrible person really 🙈😂 But omg Rowling and her tweets… I genuinely feel sorry for HP fans because ages constantly eroding all the good feeling that people had about those books. She needs to just stop!
      Speaking of stopping, I would very much recommend that you leave illuminae after book one because those sequels really do regurgitate the plot of that book and could potentially make you hate what you once thought you liked.


  3. Even though I’m someone who never gets tired of rereading Harry Potter, I totally get your opinion. Growing up with the series is one thing, but I don’t think many people would enjoy it if they read it for the first time as adults. I had a similar issue when I tried reading Percy Jackson a couple of years ago – I’m just too old for it. If I’d read it when I was a kid, I’m sure I would have loved it.

    As for Mortal Instruments and Aurora Cycle, I never even considered reading them. Like you, I don’t see any appeal. I would like to read Illuminae, but now that I see how much you disliked it, I’m not that excited about it any more.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh that’s interesting you say that about Percy Jackson! I was hoping to try that series myself for the first time because I’ve heard they’re super fun but I am reluctant because they’re more middle grade I think. I’ll probably borrow book one from the library but I might just prepare myself to not get quite as on board with them as everyone else is.
      And I wouldn’t say don’t read illuminae, jusg don’t read illuminae and then the sequels. The first book is enjoyable on its own merits


      1. I just can’t see them in the same way – I remember re-reading book 7 constantly as a child if I couldn’t get to sleep (it was so big it was bound to keep me going) but now, looking back on the writing etc., there’s just something about them that doesn’t draw me in as an adult (too simplistic perhaps? too familiar? I don’t know).

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That sounds like me and Little Women. It was my absolute fav growing up. Read it countless times but I can’t bring myself to reading it anymore because i have changed so much and can’t seem to find myself in its pages the way I used to as a little girl

          Liked by 1 person

  4. UM YEAH, how can that book series that you absolutely hate and that you always get for Christmas not make it onto this list?! Hahaha I mean, I totally agree with you on the Mortal Instruments series… I just don’t think I have it in me to invest that much time into a series. I tried reading the first book once or twice (literally the first chapter) and my attention wouldn’t stop wavering so I think it’s just not my jam 😅But AURORA RISING!! JAY KRISTOFF!! I stan but also feel heart stabbed by this post hahaha (jks jks)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh those aisling books are on the shelf, don’t you worry 😂😂😂😂 I figured you’d be less than pleased by my Jay hate…I just hated what he and Kaufman did to illuminae soooo much. I just can’t ever read him or her anymore 🙈 Sorry Dini! <33333


  5. I read Harry Potter over and over again so it’s interesting to see someone who isn’t interested in them at the least. I just ignore Rowling’s Twitter presence.

    I agree with you entirely on The Mortal Instruments.

    I love the Illuminae Files though! I did get exhausted when they started using video transcription to just write the story instead of telling the story though more creative means thought. They relied way too heavily on it in Book 3.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh it would be better if Rowling would ignore her own twitter presence too. I mean I genuinely feel sorry for people who grew up loving Harry Potter and then having to deal with all that she brings there. It’s like can she just not go away with her millions and try to leave her legacy in one piece?!?
      Oh and totally agree that the video transcription in obsidio was much too much. It was as if they’d totally run out of ideas with that book. I just couldn’t deal at all.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am a firm believer that if it is not in the books, it isn’t canon. She cannot add details after the fact if she never intends to actually produce a work that cements them in the canon.

        Yeah I wish Obsidio had had the same sort of ingenuity as Illuminae as far as story-telling because once the found-footage story stopped, it became a drag.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes. I totally agree with you. If it isn’t in the actual book then it’s just her trying to be politically correct or cover plot holes etc. My exact knowledge on all that she has done is flimsy because I just tend to tune out most of the Potter talk but her other more problematic viewpoints I’m more than familiar with due to other friends who are HP fans informing me.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. I LOVE that you have a shelf called I’d rather chew my eyeballs out than read the book! This is the best thing ever… I love dramatic things, having a flare for the dramatics too 😂
    Honestly, (I’m only speaking for HP & TMI) they are soooooo over hyped, and as much as I love HP I get that people don’t like it, I get that it’s not meant for everyone. TMI, it’s just getting to be to much… but I’m trash for those books haha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is why we are friends Meghan. ALL ABOUT THE DRAMA 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I can totally see how you’d be trash for TMI. I know if I’d actually read those books when they first came out I would be too, I know my tastes and they are supremely trashtastic 😂 but I can’t cope with the thoughts of starting that series now. There are just too many books! I don’t have that level of commit really 😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. YES!!!! I thought that very same thing when I was writing my comment, haha! 😂I love dramatic people!
        Yes! I started reading them back in 2008 when there were only 3 books out and I was still a teen so I was the peeeerfect target haha! I keep telling myself I need to break away from her books, the last book I read of hers was just not my favourite… but I know in my heart I’m going to be buying that new book that comes out in March 🙄🙄🙄

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree with the Harry Potter books!! I have seen all the movies and I do enjoy them. However, I have zero interest in reading the books, especially now that I’ve seen the movies… they are so long and involved. I do not want to put myself through that haha

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I support all your decisions. EMER, YOU KNOW FULL WELL YOU ARE A HUFFLEPUFF. Honestly, though, your feelings about Harry Potter make total sense. It was a cultural moment and I don’t know how much value the series has outside of that bubble. It feels like people are trying to recreate that moment what with all the sequels and prequels and additional films, but it’s not the same. And J. K. Rowling is just a toad.

    I went back to the Mortal Instruments books because I LOOOOVED them…and they were painful to read. The first book just…doesn’t have a plot? Or, there’s a plot, but the teenagers are too busy quipping. THEY’RE QUIPPING EVERYWHERE.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. HUFFLEPUFF! Yes. That’s it. Sounds familiar I think. Those are the sweet sensitive types right. SEE UNDERNEATH THIS SALTY EXTERIOR THERE IS A CUDDLY SNUGGLEMUFFIN!!!! And Ahahahahahaha Rowling IS indeed a toad. Cannot disagree with you at all there. I’m only sad I wasn’t so eloquent in my post 😂😂😂
      My only experience with TMI is actually the film but I saw no quipping! If there had been quipping I might not have turned it off after fifteen minutes….. also are you beginning to see a pattern of me DNFing films. It’s rare I’ll complete a film these days but god awful book? Yes let me finish that so I can write a rangy review 😂😂😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha I totally see it. Badgers are cool and I DEFINITELY would not mess with one.
        I think Rowling created a toad house for Ilvermony or whatever. EVEN SHE KNOWS THE TRUTH.
        AAAAAH The Mortal Instruments movie is SO SERIOUS. I remember watching it and being amazed by how bad it was? But also not funny in the least. Except for when Aidan Turner tried to make a “joke.” Also, Robert Sheehan was…there.

        I hear you on DNFing films! I don’t like committing hours of my life to something that is bad! Awful books I’m 50-50 on. Will J quit…or will this become my new favorite? 😝

        Liked by 1 person

  9. … OK. Now that that’s out of my system 😉

    Controversial list for sure, but one that makes a lot of sense given your preferences and personal relationship with books. There’s certainly books (… and genres) out there that I’d only pick up on threat of having my eye teeth removed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahahaha thanks Em! This post was such a lol to write. I knew it would be controversial but in a fun way :))) I’m glad that you get so much love out of everything Potter. I do feel jealous at times because it would be nice to feel this amazing connection to so many other Potter fans around the world….but lol I just have to be awkward apparently 🙈😂💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha there are so many other series with amazing fan bases out there … though, few have the amount of swag that the Potterverse has to offer …

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahahaha sorry Alex 😂😂😂 I just cant help my controversial opinions it seems 🙈 but I very much agree with you, timing is indeed everything. If I had been just two or three years younger when Potter came out how different circumstances might have been :)))

      Liked by 1 person

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